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This post is taken from SHEIKHUNA. I just can not describe my feelings.

Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh
I live in Mumbai,India. 7 years back, march 2002, after the anti muslim riots in gujarat state, my abbau was falsily accused of being a terrorist & arrested. The cops then agrees to release my abbu from jail on the condition that my ammi & aapa(elder sister) have sex with some politicians & government officers. I was just 14 at that time but I cannot forget the day 5 hindu men entered our home at midnight & took my ammi & aapa to the bedroom. I was too young to understand what was happening, but when i heard my ammi & aapa moaning loudly i became curious & quietly entered the bedroom. What i saw then is still embedded in my mind as if it was just yesterday. The 5 men raped them for nearly 3 hours before they left.
But things did not end there. This continued for 15 days & each day different men would come. Finally they let my abbu go without charge. But things did not stop here, the cops made sure our hindu neighbors know of the sexual conquest the cops had with our family ladies. Then hindu men from our neighborhood started to harass my ammi & aapa. Since my abbu didn’t know of the agreement my ammi made with the cops, she couldn’t complain to him, also she feared the cops might be helping our neighbors.
My ammi was 35 years old at the time & my aapa just 17, probably because of their young age and their lack of worldly knowledge, they succumbed to the evil plans of the kafirs. From the year 2002 to 2007 I was but a mute spectator to the sexual perversion & orgies that continued in our home. Finally I asked my father to move to a muslim dominated locality from the hindu majority area we were living in. It was only then that this bad dream came to an end. My abbu still doesn’t know what went on behind his back & I still cannot come to terms with what i have been seeing all these years. may allah guide me to the right path.

Aku kira dah beberapa tahun berlalu sejak pemergian Wak Radzif. Aku memanggilnya pejuang. Tak salah sekiranya aku memanggil ayah meskipun beliau lebih selesa dengan panggilan Wak. Seringkali aku katakan kepadanya dengan nada seloroh, orang Bugis pun suka di panggil Wak? jawabnya, dia tak kisah kerana panggilan itu mesra.

Aku tidak bersamanya ketika saat saat terakhir beliau. Hati aku mudah patah. Aku yakin beliau juga tidak mahu aku berada di situ. Yang dia mahu agar aku ingat pesan dan nasihatnya. Jangan tinggal solat.

Wak Radzif yang aku kenali adalah pejuang tegar. Tegar pada jalan Allah. Dahulu, ketika beliau dalam tentera, pelbagai perkara ditempuhinya. Menjadikan upaya dan kekuatan azamnya cukup ketara. Namun, yang paling aku banggakan ketika di saat saat akhir penghidupannya, beliau merasa kesal
kerana tidak sempat untuk melihat Syariah Allah dibumikan di Malaysia. Kerap kali di nyatakan kepada aku tentang hal ini.

Ketika aku berada di tanah yang konon kononnya ditemui oleh Christopher Columbus ini, aku sedar, pembumian Syariah Allah tidak akan ditempuhi dengan jalan demokrasi totok. Bukanlah aku mengatakan di dalam Islam itu tidak bersifat keterbukaan, bukan kerana demokrasi yang aku maksudkan ialah meletakkan undang undang yang sepatutnya milik Allah, pada tangan dan pemikiran manusia yang dangkal.

Demokrasi secara hakikatnya tidak akan kompatible dengan Islam apabila datang dalam ruangan legislatif dan parlimen. Jika mampu, suatu hari nanti, perlu adanya gerakan Jihad yang mempunyai kuasa untuk itu.

When viewing this clip, a rush of hatred develop within me. I pray Taliban will soon emerge in power and punish these stupid pundits for enjoying/wasting their time doing these gambling and cruelties to animals.

4:
Teacher is the agent of change, they create creme de la crème. That’s why their voices must be heard. Thats why the direction of the society depends much on them. Basically I agree with George S. Counts when he said that teacher should not represent any special class but rather act according to the interests of the great masses of the people. Thats why teachers must be proactive not just in school but at the society level as well, to persuade the society because society too believes it has rights over education.

What is the best way to form a curriculum. Counts believed that schools must be the center for progress, not just a contemplation or reminiscence of civilization. This can be reached by providing what lies ahead to our students so that they will choose and have power to choose according to it. This has elements of truth because I believe the best way to educate our generation depends so much on the suitability of now and future. I can’t educate my generation according to the suitability of my time. It is outdated. It must be on their suitability.

When Counts mentioned the intertwined idea of Democracy and education, I scorched at it. Not that I disagree over democracy ideas except that I find the implementation is not there. I find it impossible as Democracy today is State Controlled Democracy that uses National Education/Syllabus to get a grip on society. In fact, education should be based on free will not on a junk of National Education. It tends to limit your consciousness and self realization. How can one achieve self realization when a student is not free from external authority? In the end, one is a slave towards industrialist advocates. That is what I feel after reading Counts’ views on democratization of education.

21:
Richness+Recursion+Relation + Rigor vs Subject Matter as a Source of Objectives+Needs of the learners as a Source of Objectives+Studies of contemporary life as a Source of Objectives. Seriously, I am more to accept the Four R’s as they are more open in building curriculum, not just that, it gives opportunity for teachers to teach in depths, compromises all elements of society and it is transformative. I don’t see at Tyler’s as the theory is very fix and on the other hand, the 4 R’s are loose out. This symbolize the dynamism of the 4 R.

The dynamism of 4R is shown in Recursion. I like the idea of Recursion. It mentions how it is associated with repetition and reflecting on human consciousness in order to make meaning for his/her own. It reminds me the process of action research that does not stop at the first cycle, but it keeps continued to 2nd , 3rd and to the next cycles. So the process of learning will always expand, anyway depends on one’s ability to reflect on the process.

It is a relief for me in page 257 when he wrote, “ The textbook, throughout all this, is seen as something to revise, not as something to follow. It is the base from which transformation occurs. Curriculum in a post modern frame needs to be created( self organized) by the classroom community, not by textbook authors.” It helps me to understand that the main idea of developing curriculum is being able to associate with every subjects within the curriculum, not just merely piling up materials and content to students. At the end, students must be able to make sense and see the relation between this subject and the other subjects.

26:
My belief about test and examination as well as level of performance that exist in my society and American society derive from the pressure of society itself that want to know/ get the best education able for their kids. My belief is confirmed when the author asserts this by saying, “ The formulation of standards and the measurement of performance were intended to tidy up a messy system and to make teachers and school administrators truly accountable.” However, all of this “desire” that society wants to know coming from our own instinct which is rationalization. Rationalization means society wants to understand where is the direction or the outcomes of schooling system that they send their kids. It produces the ability to assess the performance though sometimes, it must be avoided because the success of education is not based on examination results only. What determine the success of education? Economic strengths of a nation or the amounts of universities exist in a country? It is very difficult to define and narrow as well as satiate the rationale of society when it comes to the education and curriculum. I think the author answers kind of questions above by ensuring students to engage in challenging kinds of conversation by thinking and responding about what people said, in terms of logic,reflection,critically and imaginatively. Being able to use the skills above are the elements of having intellectual dispositions. It is the extension of horizon development.

Seriously, if schools become places to produce “products” to compete in a global economy, it is a frustration on behalf of me, realizing that it is not supposed to be the truly direction we are heading. Rather, I believe goal of education should answer and being able to take actions towards these 4 questions. Those who understand and manage to engage and reflect to these questions will make full use of education:

a) Who are we?
b) Where are we from?
c) What is our direction?
c) What is the purpose of we being human?

Reading baseless accusations written by S.P Attri make me realize how truthful the path I am taking now. First of all, he accused Muhammad (PBUH) as ignorant. By merely saying that, I can see that his accusation is not going far. I am expecting to read more academic proofs but there is none. All is based on his sheer ignorance and hatred towards Muhammad (PBUH). First of all, Muhammad (PBUH) is an illiterate. I wonder how an illiterate person can compose a book that tells details about science and the existence of God as well as Unity. Plus, it is important to consider that Quran has a very beautiful poetry like arrangement that up until today, no one manage to fulfill the challenge to produce a similar surah/verses like Quran itself. Even Arab during the time of the Revelation admits the beauty of its language. Basically my pure advice to him is to read the explanation given by Islamic Awareness. ORG.

Ya Ummi Taqi,

Surat ini aku tulis ketika aku tersedar dari lamunan panjang yang aku telah mengabaikan sebahagian besar kehidupanku dalam penjara nafsu yang sia sia. Aku tersedar kerana demi suratmu, kepala aku tersingkuh ke batu dan berdarah, dan aku rasakan darah itu mengalir pada wajahku di antara 2 mataku. Meskipun seketika namun terima kasih kerana tidurku ini tidak lama. Doakan aku tidak akan terus tidur lagi.

Percayalah, bahawa setiap ketika di kala aku terlihat wajah wajah munggil yang tertimbus di celah celah runtuhan, hati ini lukanya tidak akan sembuh kembali. Hati ini menjerit jerit memanggil ke kubur Salahuddin Ayyubi. Rongga rongga tubuh dan jiwa ini tersumbat dan sesak. Kecewa, marah.

Ya Ummi Taqi..

Percayalah, dan yakinlah.. setiap kali solatku andaikata aku teringat, tak akan aku lupakan qunut nazilah untuk kalian sekeluarga. Aminkan lah doaku agar keturunan aku nanti pembuka kota Vatican.

dan maafkanlah aku sekiranya usaha aku ini tidak setimpal..sungguh aku tak mampu..

dua 3 hari ini aku banyak termenung. bukan sedih pun. gembira pun tak juga. lebih banyak berfikir tentang lemahnya fizikal aku ini. kadang kadang berfikir tentang cahaya x ray yang menembusi badan( aku je faham ape dia yang aku maksudkan ini). dan kadang kadang aku praktikkan semula kaedah yang aku jumpa agar cahaya x ray tak menembusi badan. memang ada perubahan pun cuma aku tak nyatakan ianya berkesan sebab aku takde makmal saintifik, so aku biarkan dan syok sendiri mengatakan aku berjaya meskipun, secara alamiah, tak pernah pun aku lihat cahaya x ray tersebut.

petang ini juga aku terfikir tentang topik phd aku. meskipun aku tak melangkah pun lagi ke dalam alam phd. paling kurang aku ada topik dah. kalau dapat biasiswa sambung ok jugak tapi aku rasa kena tanya cik lin. kalau tak dapat, kenalah aku convincekan prof prof kat sini topik aku tuh marketable. cetusan hati aku kata yer, memang marketable dan boleh buat duit. hehehe tapi realitinya tak tahulah sebab kadang kadang instinct aku ni tak tepat juga.

target aku hari ini nak siapkan bab dr jeong hee kim yang dia suruh aku kaji tapi disebabkan kelemahan fizikal aku, tak dapat jugak aku siapkan, dah la hari ahad ini kena mengajar kat MIC. Ini semua gara gara Dr Perez. Menyesal aku ambik subjek tuh. menyusahkan hidup aku aderlah.

sejak demam dan tak pergi swimming nih, aku rasa jam biologi aku dah banyak yang lari. hari ini, ikut nafsu aku belasah makan budu. dan aku rasa sat lagi aku nak telan INH dan b. ada kaitan ke badan aku yang lemah dengan treatment 9 bulan depa nih?

kadang kadang, selepas aku membaca teori teori konspirasi dalam buku buku percuma yang aku dapat kat internet nih, sangsi aku dengan perkhidmatan yang diberi oleh mereka ini. ada cip kot dalam badan aku..heheheh perasaan aku aja tuh..
kalau ada pun dan dia mengalir celah kulit, insha allah takpe, selalu aku ikut pesan malaikat kat langit ke 7 supaya di amalkan selalu..tapi aku jer yang malas buat, bukan apa, segan kalau pegi swimming pool badan bertampung tampung.. di katanya aku ada kusta keh keh keh.. pernah sekali aku tengok mat saleh nampak badan aku pucat lesi kerana parut luka kat badan..baru kau tau..

oklah aku nak minum dan tidur dan solat isyak.

Observation:
I read an interesting article about authentic assessment. It says: “ What does it mean to say that an assessment is authentic? It means that the assessment is based on student activities that replicate real world performances as possible. Assessment is no longer restricted to paper and pencil or even computer drill and practice type test.” In another paragraph, it mentions: “Although the lecture-and-discussion methods are still the dominant mode of instruction, some faculty have begun to heed the advice of Barr and Tagg(1995) to move to a learning paradigm in which the learner becomes an active constructor rather than a passive recipient of knowledge. If those who are making the change are doing so because they have actually adopted the philosophy behind the learning paradigm, they must realize that with it comes the need to adopt a new assessment paradigm as well.(Anderson and Speck,1998)”1

Feelings:
Happy
Relief
Confident

Thoughts:
I feel happy after reading these two paragraphs because it supports my notion that assessment can be powerful tool to know my students real capabilities rather than depending too much on standardized test. I feel relief and confident because if someone asks/questions me about the way I am assessing my students, I have researches and scholars that support me. I feel confidence to explain to them( my head of departments at Malaysia when I finish my studies) that there is nothing wrong to move/change to a new paradigm of assessment.

Learnings:

Step One:
I had an assumption that assessment must be always based on standardized test. I was in that system before coming to United States. Students success were solely based on their examination achievement. I had an assumption students only learn because they want to pass the standardized examination. I assumed examinations or standardized tests will motivate students to study more.

Step Two:
For a long time, I believe standardized test is the only ways to test students’ understanding but in fact, they are not!! Learning and understanding involve more than a test. Motivation plays vital role in assisting understanding and learning too. No wonder my students feel bored easily towards certain subject and they can not retain information that they learn because it is for the sake of passing test not for the sake of learning. As a teacher, I don’t want that to happen anymore to my future students.!!There are many ways to conduct assessment towards student rather than depending so much on standardized test.

Step Three:
Before, I am convinced that exam result can be used as prediction for a good teaching practice but I was wrong. It was like that because every teacher in my country will work to ensure their students achievement are nearly perfect and achieving the school target. Now I realize, teachers that really focus on achieving high marks for their students exam usually will reduce instruction in other subjects in order to teach to the tests,sometimes detriment of their own mental health,sometimes even to the detriment of the mental health of students2.Now, I can see the problem lies with the system that stress too much on examination. I put the blame on the system. How powerful it was the system that I lived with that could mould my perspectives.

Applications:

Step One:After reading few articles on standardized test and ongoing assessment, it is important for me to depend on ongoing assessment in order to get feedback on my own teaching and students learning. I am looking forward to try ongoing assessment towards my students. I can sense my students will love my lessons after this as ongoing assessments are authentic and directly will reflect my strengths and weaknesses as teacher. This will be a growth for me. Not just that, I will know my students abilities better than standardized exam results which sometimes the outcomes are determined by large scale graphs which are not precise and easily manipulated.

Step Two: Reading and looking through February 10th Reading entitled “Ongoing Assessment of Language,Literacy and Content Learning” wakes me up from sleep. Ongoing Assessment is the answer for standardized tests. It can reflect my own teaching too. I realize I am the one that teach my students, so it is me that best to create assessment pertaining to my teaching and lessons to them, not depending too much on questions from other sources. I still can use them but only as guidelines but not exactly as they are. This will give sort of empowerment to me and my students as well. I plan to implement some characteristics for assessment that can replace standardized examination. This guideline is based from Wiggins(1998). They are:

a) realistic, so that whatever information or skills that students learn in classroom can be applied/used in real world. In my case, performance based assessment is one of my future choice. My students will reflect their understanding of the skills they learn through this.
b) my assessments require judgement and innovation. My students can provide more than one answer because it will be based on solving unstructured problems.
c)the assessment must similar to contexts that I teach/provide to them.
d)The assessment will be allowed for feedback because through feedback, they can grasp deeper understanding.

References:

1.Svinicki M.D. Authentic Assessment: Testing in Reality In Alternative strategies for Evaluating Student Learning.San Francisco: Jossey-Bass,2004

2.Marsh C.J & Willis G. Curriculum: Alternative Approaches, Ongoing Issues.(4th Edition) New Jersey: Pearson Education,2007

3.Wiggins,G. Educative Assessment: Designing Assessments to Inform and Improve Student Performance. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass,1998

To survive, we must adopt a warrior like mentality. Those who die first is those who are not healthy and not prepared. You are not warrior or considered a warrior if you are not prepared.

Accepting the truth and committed to live with it are acts of warrior. You have to live with tactics too. Tactics are personal and situational. They are so because:

a)preparedness and planning. You have to be very prepared and have planning on what you are going to do next.
b) low profile and camouflaging are the method to avoid become victims and targets.
have a,b,c,d,e plan. This is crucial for turf and time.
c)learn the wisdom of non combating. Avoid high risk persons or places. Avoid confrontation whenever possible. In this case, arguments with the stupids/moderates/manipulators must be avoided as they are obviously stupid. Just remember the case of Aji Bujal.
d)arrange the facts to speak to you.
e) don’t let others to make you part of their problems.
f) realize what is important for you. Big cars? Big house? They can be obliterated in massive disaster but not with your courage,faith,wisdom and elements within you.
g)analyze realistic threats around you.Can your friends/neighbors helpful or merely a threat?

It is important to have cash around USD 10 K in anytime during stressing situation. The money will be very much indeed for traveling and etc. You need as well the knowledge of life aids or arm yourself with martial arts and knowledge of guns.