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I just love reading this post, it is not mine. I got it from my friend’s website. I wish this woman will be in realm of Islam, Allahumma ameen, as she understands lots of thing from Islam..

To My Muslim Sisters

Between the Israeli assault on Lebanon and the Zionist “war on terror,” the Muslim world is now center stage in every American home. I see the carnage, death and destruction that have befallen Lebanon, but I also see something else: I see you. I can’t help but notice that almost every woman I see is carrying a baby or has children around her. I see that though they are dressed modestly, their beauty still shines through. But it’s not just outer beauty that I notice. I also notice that I feel something strange inside me: I feel envy. I feel terrible for the horrible experiences and war crimes that the Lebanese people have suffered, being targeted by our common enemy. But I can’t help but admire your strength, your beauty, your modesty, and most of all, your happiness. Yes, it’s strange, but it occurred to me that even under constant bombardment, you still seemed happier than we are, because you were still living the natural lives of women. The way women have always lived since the beginning of time. It used to be that way in the West until the 1960s, when we were bombarded by the same enemy. Only we were not bombarded with actual munitions, but with subtle trickery and moral corruption.

They bombarded us Americans from Hollywood, instead of from fighter jets or with our own American-made tanks. They would like to bomb you in this way too, after they’ve finished bombing the infrastructure of your countries. I do not want this to happen to you. You will feel degraded, just like we do. You can avoid this kind of bombing if you will kindly listen to those of us who have already suffered serious casualties from their evil influence. Because everything you see coming out of Hollywood is a pack of lies, a distortion of reality, smoke and mirrors. They present casual sex as harmless recreation because they aim to destroy the moral fabric of the societies into which they beam their poisonous programming. I beg you not to drink their poison. There is no antidote for it once you have consumed it. You may recover partially, but you will never be the same. Better to avoid the poison altogether than to try to heal from the damage it causes.
They will try to tempt you with their titillating movies and music videos, falsely portraying us American women as happy and satisfied, proud of dressing like prostitutes, and content without families. Most of us are not happy, trust me. Millions of us are on anti-depressant medication, hate our jobs, and cry at night over the men who told us they loved us, then greedily used us and walked away. They would like to destroy your families and convince you to have fewer children. They do this by presenting marriage as a form of slavery, motherhood as a curse, and being modest and pure as old-fashioned. They want you to cheapen yourself and lose your faith. They are like the Serpent tempting Eve with the apple. Don’t bite.

I see you as precious gems, pure gold, or the “pearl of great value” spoken of in the Bible (Matthew 13: 45). All women are pearls of great value, but some of us have been deceived into doubting the value of our purity. Jesus said: “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you” (Matthew 7: 6). Our pearls are priceless, but they convince us that they’re cheap. But trust me; there is no substitute for being able to look in the mirror and seeing purity, innocence and self-respect staring back at you. The fashions coming out of the Western sewer are designed to make you believe that your most valuable asset is your sexuality. But your beautiful dresses and veils are actually sexier than any Western fashion, because they cloak you in mystery and show self-respect and confidence. A woman’s sexuality should be guarded from unworthy eyes, since it should be your gift to the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. And since your men are still manly warriors, they deserve no less than your best. Our men don’t even want purity anymore. They don’t recognize the pearl of great value, opting for the flashy rhinestone instead. Only to leave her too.

Your most valuable assets are your inner beauty, your innocence, and everything that makes you who you are. But I notice that some Muslim women push the limit and try to be as Western as possible, even while wearing a veil (with some of their hair showing). Why imitate women who already regret, or will soon regret, their lost virtue? There is no compensation for that loss. You are flawless diamonds. Don’t let them trick you into becoming rhinestones. Because everything you see in the fashion magazines and on Western television is a lie. It is Satan’s trap. It is fool’s gold.

I’ll let you in on a little secret, just in case you’re curious: pre-marital sex is not even that great. We gave our bodies to the men we were in love with, believing that that was the way to make them love us and want to marry us. Just as we had seen on television growing up. But without the security of marriage and the sure knowledge that he will always stay with us, it’s not even enjoyable! That’s the irony. It was just a waste. It leaves you in tears. Speaking as one woman to another, I believe that you understand that already. Because only a woman can truly understand what’s in another woman’s heart. We really are all alike. Our race, religion or nationalities do not matter. A woman’s heart is the same everywhere. We love. That’s what we do best. We nurture our families and give comfort and strength to the men we love. But we American women have been fooled into believing that we are happiest having careers, our own homes in which to live alone, and freedom to give our love away to whomever we choose. That is not freedom. And that is not love. Only in the safe haven of marriage can a woman’s body and heart be safe to love. Don’t settle for anything less. It’s not worth it. You won’t even like it and you’ll like yourself even less afterwards. Then he’ll leave you.

Sin never pays. It always cheats you. Even though I have reclaimed my honor, there’s still no substitute for having never been dishonored in the first place. We Western women have been brainwashed into thinking that you Muslim women are oppressed. But truly, we are the ones who are oppressed; slaves to fashions that degrade us, obsessed with our weight, begging for love from men who do not want to grow up. Deep down inside, we know that we have been cheated. We secretly admire and envy you, although some of us will not admit it. Please do not look down on us or think that we like things the way they are. It’s not our fault. Most of us did not have fathers to protect us when we were young because our families have been destroyed. You know who is behind this plot. Don’t be fooled, my sisters. Don’t let them get you too. Stay innocent and pure. We Christian women need to see what life is really supposed to be like for women. We need you to set the example for us, because we are lost. Hold onto your purity. Remember: you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. So guard your “toothpaste” carefully!

I hope you receive this advice in the spirit in which it is intended: the spirit of friendship, respect, and admiration. From your Christian sister – with love.

?© 2006+ Joanna Francis
http://joannafrancis.wordpress.com

“I don’t care about race. I care about the class ,the children they work with..”Dr. Be Stoney

I believe this is a must to read book before teaching in Hispanic classroom. In my case, I never have any opportunity to know, learn or interact with Hispanic, Latinos or Latinas cultures, so this will provide a pre schematic knowledge on them. I believe it will enrich my perspectives as an educator. As I reflect back to a question asked by Dr Stoney to me by asking me what does it mean to be Malay, so I believe as an educator, I have to put pure and conscious efforts not just to critically checking my beliefs on other cultures but at the same time reform and change erroneous and prejudice beliefs towards everybody especially to students.

Actually it emphasize on preparation to be teacher in diversified classroom. In Malaysia, I don’t have Hispanic students, but the strategy provided here will be good guidelines, on how should I prepare to teach my students whose have different backgrounds and understanding. Furthermore, I am a diamond cutter. Thus, it is my job to dig for them and polish them. The reform must be erupted now and then, and I don’t have to wait. It is in Malaysia’s National Education Philosophy a long time ago. Rigorous action needs to be implemented.

This book is about a belief that through education, teachers will be able to turn the history of diversity and multiculturalism in United States to be a success story. It puts emphasis on teachers. Teachers as agents, selling knowledge and students as clients, receiving education. Our target is to reap benefits from this long term investment. We want to make a successful deal. Education is supposed to be a win win situation deal: towards a betterment of our society. It means every one of us can live effectively and respectfully in a cultural diverse society. Also, the writers challenged their notions and assumptions that teachers are perfectly prepared and happy, ready and caring when it comes to educating their students regardless of their background. After finishing this book, the answers for their assumptions are answered by finding out about guidance and strategies provided. Thanks to the writers because putting me into realization that to reap the benefit of this business deal is a long way to go.

I can say that because I did try to answer Question Number 3 on Beliefs about Hispanic Students in Chapter Two. It was difficult because at the end I realize all my answers for the questions were either wrong, biased and they are based on movies. The only answer that I had a confidence to answer was related to their language that they use a same Spanish language. Even this is proven wrong when I reflect back to the discussion in a classroom when one of our classmates explained to us that Puerto Rican Spanish is different from Mexicans Spanish. The only correct answer I know is Jennifer Lopez is a Latina!! Shame on me…

They have a long history. When I counted back, it started from 1492 and it goes on until today. They have more than 500 years of history. It means their cultures are rich of many elements. It is complete; they went through many patterns of oppressions but yet did not stay static. Dynamically they fought to embrace, tasting the meaning of freedom and equality. It means also, they have similar basic needs as human. Yet I wonder what makes them being perceived as difficult in classrooms? Does it show that when teachers always perceive themselves as bearer of equality and justice yet when realizing that in fact we engage in putting prior negative assumptions about a group of students, this lead us to state of denial? As a result of this we put the blame on the failure of bilingual education, not to our own effort of knowing in and out of our students?

I believe as nations that have long history and enriched with many diverse elements within it, they are indeed unique. I soon realized about it when realizing they came from different places such as Puerto Rico, Mexico, Bolivia, Cuba and etc. I wonder what will happen to me if I address a Puerto Rican as Mexican realizing that they are a part of U.S territory for about 100 years. They are American citizens. This means they have unique status compared to other arrivals. It goes the same with Cuban American that came here running away from communist system. They were well educated mostly asking for political asylum. Their mentality would be different. Indeed I find that diversity is not necessarily between different groups but it can happen within intergroup as well. Enough to say, Mejicanos, Tejanos, Chicanos reflect how diverse and unique they are because those words bring different meaning.¹

The book focus on Hispanic students, it helps you theoretically to create a mental image of how a Hispanic student would look like/be. It starts from demographics data, reflections of our (majority) beliefs about them (in chapter 2), teaching Hispanic students, understanding Hispanic families (in chapter 3). It is complete. I believe this is crucial because the authors actually are trying to tell readers (teachers especially) to know students as a whole. Knowing name, address and grade is as important as understanding and knowing their history and culture. It also helps us by letting us know what to do and to avoid when it comes to practice later on. This notion is obvious when the writers provide Resource Heaven for readers because you can extent your research and knowledge about them by using the books, fictions and research provided inside this chapter.

Other thing that I like about this book is when the authors provide their own experiences into Authors’ Notes. I value their efforts because basically they are providing hands on applications because teaching Hispanic students was an alien concept to me. Further more, this puts facts and theories discussed in this book in an imaginable context thus lead to understanding. Most of them are related to chapters discussed. As an example, Mary Lou Fuller in Chapter 7, which discuss about Hispanic Families gave a good tip to prepare/bring cookies for the students whenever they are being visited at home. This will be identified and celebrated as concerning effort from a teacher to the students by Hispanic parents. Building this bridge will smoothen the process of knowing and understanding them, and as teachers for Hispanic group, it is important for teachers to initiate first the steps.

As I mentioned before, this book will be a strong base of my next plan. It provides frameworks for my future task as an English teacher and at the same time multiculturalists when I go back home. I don’t have any intention to stay firm following exactly as the way it is in Malaysia now. It does not work for unity when the system supports racism. As we build up/contribute to pollution, we too help building up racism if we don’t put an end to it. All of us have shares and that’s why, there must be a strong reform. Furthermore, I realize equality and freedom is the basic human needs, and I will have supporters. “It is important for us teachers, those who understand to put a stop to racism”. I do realize as well, there will be antagonists that will strain upon my way. They might inflict pain upon me but that does not worry me much. I have read how Martin Luther King and El Hajj El Malik Shabazz² were killed; I have seen what Apartheid did to Nelson Mandela. Physically they were incarcerated, but their struggles and souls fly upon to the heart of alive human. No force can stop them.

The writers focus on education to change and up heave the Hispanic community. Education can only work if it is conveyed successfully to the target groups. In order to achieve that, the language barrier must be broken down by improving bilingual education. In bilingual education, we appreciate the culture of our students. Appreciating culture of others and not denying their existence is cores to ensure unity. It is like killing two birds with a stone. Hispanic students wont be lag behind, their identity wont be jeopardized and at the same time they learn other subjects. This idea is very beautiful. When I reflect back of my experiences in Malaysia, I realize among the many reasons Chinese or Indian parents send their kids to Chinese and Tamil vernacular school because they don’t want their offspring to be “Malaynalized”. I remembered when I was 10 years old in Standard Four, most of the stories in our National Language Text books, told about Malay fairytales, Malay warriors, Malay legends, and I did know about Na Zha³ and the flying wheel of fire from comic books instead from “National” text books. I guess no efforts were being made to translate Chinese or Indian fairytales. It is an obvious example of how students’ cultures are not celebrated and welcomed.

I like Chapter 5 the most. This semester I am taking ESL Bilingual Education, as what I am being taught in the subject, it is important to have accurate assessment to ensure academic success. It is interesting to note here that our bilingual students might use two languages at one time but most of the time, there will be only one dominant language within them. It means proficiency is very much dependent on the language that they are familiar with. In order to ensure success for Hispanic students, the assessments made by school personnel must be exact. This is to avoid them to be replaced in a classroom where they can speak English but do not understand most of the lessons because their Cognitive Academic Language Proficiency is not on par with Native American English speakers. This is to ensure they are not left behind or being felt to be left behind because of their language inadequacy. Also, accurate assessment must examine all aspects of students to ensure it is adequate. Among the criteria that need to be taken seriously are Performance based assessments, observation by focusing on language used to interact with peers and not to forget the demographic of the students because it will determine the percentage of English language used. For example, Hispanic students who come from highly populated white area will have better English commands due to more interaction with Native American English speakers.

It is interesting as well when the writers mention that we can’t force them to perform in any language that they use in order to accurately assess them. In fact, teachers must provide opportunities for them to listen, speak, read and write in both languages. Teachers’ job is to listen and observe attentively to ensure accurate assessment. From the careful and accurate observations, then the teacher can determine either his/her students are dominant in Spanish or not, needs to work more on English vocabulary and etc. Most importantly, labeling them as slow, or any derogative remark is out of teaching ethics because it is lethal. It means, as teachers, students’ limited abilities to express themselves should not be a wall for us to not encourage them to use languages that they prefer. What we can do is to always encourage (without putting coercion) so that it will help them to low their affective filter.

There is no unique formula to teach Hispanic Students but there are ways to help us at least to build basic understanding of who they are. This will be the first step towards the success. The ways are closely integrated ranging from families (as their cultures are family and group oriented), economics, communities and cultural background. As teacher, it is wrong to be eccentric and denying the existence of our students culture. The actions will lead to miscommunication, ethnocentric judgments. It will shove away Hispanic students from us. In order to avoid that, teachers need to have concrete knowledge of particular culture in order to develop understanding of particular cultural group. Lacking concrete knowledge of Hispanic culture will lead to misinterpretation and assumptions. As a teacher, I don’t want that to happen because misinterpretation and assumptions are basically the key factor to denying the existence of particular cultural group.

There are factors that propagate the growth of Hispanics’ students learning. Firstly, teacher can provide education that fulfills the needs of them. This can be done by giving them access to opportunities and resources. For example, if they need more time to develop their CALP⁴, it should be taken seriously and granted as this will ensure their academic success. In this case, we must always remember the fact that teachers are nurturers. Secondly, avoiding stereotyping is a must as it can lead to teachers ignoring the fact that Hispanic cultures are rich in diversities. Also, teacher must have teaching strategies that related to the needs of Hispanic students. Among the strategies are:

a) Focusing the lessons on group rather than individual. Teacher must as well create a cooperative atmosphere in the classroom. This is a must for them because they have a strong sense of community. This can be done by having group problem solving, discussion in groups and etc. Due to this matter, it is wrong to punish them in public, this will devalue their pride.

b) Lessons must be highly informal too, ingrained with family-like atmosphere. I believe, eating together (with class members) by everybody participating in bringing food is one of the good methods to develop relationship and knowing each other better.

c) Having Hispanic Family Day or Hispanic Open House at school where Hispanic parents are invited to school. They can come to school for the sake of visiting without worrying about have to meet teachers discussing about their kids performance at school. It is a way to show hospitality of school administration where Hispanic Parents will be invited to have lunch or dinners (Hispanic food are prepared of course) with their kids’ respective teachers. This should be a yearly event where all of school communities anticipate in it. Hopefully this event will be catalysts for them (parent and teachers) to interact more in the future related to students’ achievement and improvement.

d) Teachers or school administration can develop social networking to promote assimilation and diversity. I get this idea from International Buddies program offered by Kansas State University. We can change it into Hispanic Buddies program so that it will give opportunity for Hispanic students in their transition and assimilation process. This program will be free. It is targeted so that it will improve their English skills. It can also provide free tutoring to the Hispanic students. They can meet an hour per week to discuss, do activities together.

Actually I am impressed when reading Fuller’s Author’s Note in page 102 whereby she instructed her preservice teachers to have significant relationship with Hispanic parents. This program managed to change perspective of her preservice white, middle class teachers. From their responses, Hispanic cultures are beautiful because they respect and value the teachers generally and emphasis on cleanliness which is as same as theirs. This is another great strategy to enhance cultural understanding between two different groups.

I believe Jones and Fuller are not just writers but they are practitioners of bilingual education. They put into practice whatever that they believe and write. I notice the theories, methodologies and applications in this book are deep seated and well matched the CEEE Guiding Principles (Center for Equity and Excellence in Education.) Each Hispanic student is unique (due to the fact that they are Culturally and Linguistically Diverse students or CLD), so any instruction should be build on their previous education and thus should not be neglected. They are welcomed, accepted and valued as they way they are. In order to fulfill the notions above, teacher must understand and apply the concepts, theories, research to that appropriate to them to help to learn in and out of classroom setting. It is a must for teachers to create a motivating learning environment and at the same time know and understand the variability of his/her students in learning academic subjects.

I do believe that the writers of this book try to combat negative views such as Hispanic students will be in failure category, left behind, hopelessness of any appropriate educational helps and risk of academic failure. I feel this happen not because of racism that entrenched within us but our failure to provide enough and good training on differential learning strategies and development of Hispanic group. In Malaysia, for those who major in education and plan to be teachers, Multicultural Education is not a core subject, it is just an elective, and thus it is not compulsory. I hope it will be made a compulsory subject for teachers to have it before they go to school teaching students. Hopefully, it will help to improve teachers’ attitudes towards racial and ethnic minorities. This is among the reformation process that I will do if I become a Malaysia Education policy maker one day. Wish me luck!!

As conclusion, both of the writers do a great job to instill cultural awareness in me. I am greatly indebted to them. In fact, their points of view must be and should be frameworks before we embrace Hispanic students.

I would like to end my reflective responses to this book by quoting Sonia Nieto’s statement which is available in page 29, “a constellation of attitudes, behaviors, behaviors, and structures and a mismatch between home and school expectations all work together to produce success or failure.”⁵

References:

1. A CQ Press College Division Publication. (2002) One Name, Many Communities:

Issues In Race, Ethnicity and Gender, Selections from The CW Researcher. CQ Press

174.

2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malcolm_X ( retrieved 10/6/2008)

3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nezha_(deity) (retrieved 10/6/2008)

4. Herrera S. G, Murry K.G,.(2005) Mastering ESL and Bilingual Methods. Pearson

Education Inc. 9

5. Nieto,S (1992). Affirming diversity. New York: Longman

Name:Rahsia

ID: rahsia

Subject: EDCI 755 (Multicultural Issues in Teaching)

What is An American? Defined American?

I have to define what is an American for my multicultural studies. In order to get a brief idea what is an American, I have to interview any one (selected) around me (regardless of his/her nationalities) and tell his/her opinions. I grab Melissa and her husband, Michael. Both mention the same thing “people having freedom, independent, being able to make their own choices, and have an entrepreneurial spirit, people can make their life better”. I am perplexed by this answer, because of so many reasons.

After our Friday congregational prayer, I managed to ask my American Muslim friend, his name is Omar, Irish descendant living in Chapman. He gave me definition from legal point of view, “being born and naturalized in United States”. However, his additional view somehow perplexed me again because usually people in United States will prefer to ask who is not American rather than who is an American, accusing others of not being patriotic enough. For example, Republican will accuse the Democrat of not being patriotic.

If taken both of opinions above, indeed it is very difficult to identify who is an American and who is not. There is not solid parameter to do that. Only we can tell who we are. Determining who the person is needs us to go back of his/her background, looking at what/who’s made him. I can not measure the level of freedom a person has or life is better or being able to naturalize here because those are very relative in nature and it is circumstantial.

I believe as a Malaysian, we have freedom to express our point of views, I am very much independent guy and not afraid of anything as long as I do not do something that is against the law and I believe life is good and better (in Malaysia) compared to other places in this world. It means I have those qualities defined and being mentioned by my American friends. Am I now an American?

I tend to analyze more my American friends’ definitions of being an American. I suspected this idea might be from the Declaration of Independence 1776. I choose this thinking that this was the beginning of United States of America, my friends’ background schemata are developed from their history lessons of this Declaration. Again, the essence of it convinces me that we are in fact basically the same; “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”¹ How does it differ with the Islamic principles of freedom as clearly mentioned by our predecessors when he wanted to liberate Persian²? The situation might be different but the context will always be the same. American vs. British Hegemony and Narrowness of this world vs. Spaciousness of Hereafter. It is about the basic element of human, having freedom based on our own conscience compared to animals.

In conclusion, my American friends defined American based on the essence of human principality so it goes the same to me because we are all the same. As a teacher, it is a must for us to prepare educational equity regardless of who our students are.

Reference:

1. The Unanimous Declaration of Thirteen United States of America, (July 4, 1776)

http://www.ushistory.org/declaration/document/index.htm (Sept 1st 2008)

2. Ali Nadvi A.H, The Responsibilities of Muslims in The West

http://www.albalagh.net/food_for_thought/responsibilities_muslims_west.shtml (Sept 1st 2008)

This is a good reminder for me and others. this is quite a long article but I really want you to enjoy it and implement it for the sake of your children. This is taken from Islam Questions and Answer on How to develop Your Kid’s Self Confidence which was absent from me, gradually I am building it back slowly. Alhamdulillah. Here , enjoy..:

At the age of two, a child starts to form her attitude towards the world around her. Some developmental psychologists think that the sense of self-confidence is one of the first of these attitudes and the strength of these feelings at age 2 depends on the kind of care that the child receives and on the parents’ attitude in meeting her basic needs. At this stage the child shows signs of development by showing a desire for independence, as she needs the freedom to speak, walk and play. All of that is connected to the need to assert herself which can only be achieved by allowing her a measure of independence. This is confirmed by the theory of development through maturity which says that we should respect the child’s individuality and leave him or her to develop naturally. Some girls grow up lacking self-confidence so that they cannot rely upon themselves in any matter, major or minor. They rarely take any initiative and are always waiting for someone to say, “Do such and such.” If faced with a problem, such a girl will be unable to take any decision and may try to avoid confronting the problem, or start crying. This is partly the parents’ fault, and it may be for a number of reasons, such as:

Too much control (“Do this, don’t do that”) in major and minor matters alike, even if the matter does not warrant it, so that the child loses her spontaneity and this makes her lose confidence in her actions, and instead she always waits for someone to correct her and reassure her that she is doing the right thing.

Blaming and criticizing her for everything she does, seeking out her faults and rebuking her if she makes a mistake, so that she is blamed and rebuked more than she deserves at the time when she is expecting praise for her efforts. This destroys the child’s motivation to act or to compete in doing anything and doing it well.

Not giving the child the opportunity to speak in front of others for fear that she may make a mistake or speak of things that are not desirable, or else allowing her to speak but telling her what she should say.

Giving her too many warnings about danger, which will make her always expect the worst and imagine that she is surrounded by danger on all sides.

Putting her down or comparing her to others, which makes her think that she has no worth.

Making fun of her and mocking her.

Not paying attention to her questions.

Paying too much attention in a manner that shows excessive worry about her health or her future.

Lack of self-confidence has many negative effects on the child, such as:

1- She will not be able to do anything independently, and if she is asked to bring something and finds that it differs from the description given, she will be hesitant; if she is faced with a problem she will be unable to take a decision.

2- She will become dull-witted and not creative.

3- She will start to complain and feel unhappy whenever anything is asked of her, because she thinks that she will be blamed for whatever she does and that she will not be able to do it in the manner required.

4- She will become weak-willed and will have no resolve, and she will feel meek and apathetic in situations where such attitudes are not appropriate, and will become neglectful and disorganized.

5- She will suffer anxiety and frustration, and will develop a hostile attitude or a tendency to become introverted and withdrawn.

In order to avoid these negative effects on the child, parents should use a number of ways to develop the child’s self-confidence. Some examples follow, but this is not a complete list:

- They should draw up some general guidelines to follow by telling her what Allaah has made permissible, which she may do, and what He has forbidden, which she must avoid. They should make her aware of noble attributes and good manners, and instill in her a dislike for bad manners, deeds and words, and the need to steer clear of trivial matters. Then after that they should give her the freedom to act on her own initiative.

- The mother should assign her some tasks that she is able to do. If she makes a mistake the mother should praise her for her initiative and encourage her, then tell her what she should have done. Sometimes she should just praise her for her efforts, then complete the work in a gentle manner, without telling her directly. If the task is not something that the child is able to do, then the mother may do it and consult the child and ask for her opinion, and let the child state what she thinks is good and is not, so that the child will realize that everyone is vulnerable to making mistakes but also gets things right sometimes. This will strengthen her resolve.

The parents should try to praise the child in front of her relatives and friends, and give her rewards commensurate with her efforts. They should praise her for the acts of worship that she does, such as praying regularly, memorizing Qur’aan, doing well in her studies, having a good attitude, and so on.

They should give her a nickname that will distinguish her from others, but they should not allow anyone to call her by a bad nickname. If she makes them angry they should call her by her real name, so that she will realize that she has fallen short in her duty to one or both of them, or that she has wronged somebody, so that she will realize that.

Strengthening her will-power, by getting her used to two things, namely:

(a) Keeping secrets: when she knows how to keep secrets and not divulge them, then her will-power will develop and grow stronger, and thus her self-confidence will increase.

(b) Getting her used to fasting, for when she stands firm in the face of hunger and thirst when fasting, she will feel the joy of achieving victory over her nafs (self), which will strengthen her will-power when facing life, which in turn will increase her self-confidence.

Strengthening her confidence in dealing with other people. This may be done by getting her to do housework, obeying the parents’ commands, and letting her sit with the adults and get together with other youngsters.

Strengthening her confidence in gaining knowledge, by teaching her the Qur’aan and the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and his Seerah (biography), so that she will grow up having acquired abundant knowledge in childhood, so that she will have a sense of confidence in the knowledge that she has, because she will have gained the basic principles of true knowledge, far removed from myths and legends.

On the other hand, the parents must also take some precautions and take effective measures to save the child from feeling inadequate. Some of the things that cause a child to feel inadequate are: belittling her, humiliating her and mocking her, such as calling her by offensive names and words in front of her siblings and relatives, or even in front of her friends or in front of strangers whom she has never met before. These are matters which may make her regard herself as insignificant and worthless, or may generate psychological complexes that will make her look at others with hatred and dislike, and make her withdraw into herself in order to escape from life.

Even if the offensive words that slip from the parents’ tongues are only for the purpose of disciplining the child for some mistake, great or small, it is not right to use this method to correct her, as this will have a bad effect on the child’s psyche and personal conduct, and it will make her accustomed to the language of condemnation and insult that will destroy her psychologically and morally.

The best way of dealing with this problem is to explain to the child, in a gentle manner, where she has gone wrong and to give her proof that will convince her to avoid the mistake in future; the parents should not scold her, and certainly not in front of others. The parents should use good methods in correcting her from the outset, following the example of the Messenger SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the way he reformed and trained people and corrected their mistakes. For the child is very sensitive and readily influenced, irrational and helpless. Building the child’s self-confidence is the first step in building her personality through all stages of life.

full article is here:

We had tornado yesterday, it was here again, the last was 70 years ago. We did not go to shelter. I wanted to go there but we received the news late, and this morning my wife told me that it is still safe to go there when we heard first time the siren, its kind of reminder to find a safe place, poor me, I thought siren means to stay put in your shelter, hide now, don’t go outside, it is not safe anymore…

Until now I did not go out to see, I am pretty sure the damages were enormous and I am reluctant to see it. My head was giddy and vertiginous. My right eye was poked, thrust by Irfan’s finger. I can stay in dark places but not at direct sun lights available, it is watery and it is painful.

We were in the toilet, that’s what I read and that’s what others told me. It is not safe even if the toilet is not in the centre of your house, next time, please be inside the closet, it is in the room, in the centre of our apartment.

She almost cried, fear of death. I did nothing to console her. I just kept quiet. I did mention to her that it is written. Death is written. Nothing to be afraid off, your time will come. You have to be prepared. She agreed but I could she the trembling all over the body. The thought makes me smile and more convince Allah is there and we are a bunch of ungrateful servants. None of us were laughing but today we are. Both of us(in fact all) remember ALLAH most when on the edge of death.Afterthat the thought is gone. Forgive us ALLAH.

My son cried. It is not a fear of death; it was because he felt stuck inside the toilet. NO freedom to watch Dora the Explorer or Blue Clues. I hugged him. I sang a song but that did not help much. Lastly I went out with him and went to bedroom, landed on bed, there is an assurance within my soul that everything will be safe, and I believe ALLAH won’t betray me. It is my hope towards Him.

Half an hour later, the tornado was gone. She went to other towns. First it hit Chapman, then us. KSU was badly injured. Injured by the Tornado.