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This book is about everything that I need to know about African American students. It is meaningful to me as I will have multiracial students when I go back home, so I will use her points of views to reflect back to my teaching and my students so that my classroom will be a ground where everybody is valued fairly. That is the essence of quality education. As a teacher, she/he must strive to provide equal educational opportunities to every of his/her students. It is a right for his/her students to get education and knowledge from him/her.

I started teaching in 2003, after completing my ESL degree. It looked easy but in fact it was not. Learning to be a teacher was totally different compared to being a teacher. As a fresh teacher, I realized the reality of teaching was not easy as it seems. This is a ground where I have to practice every theory that I learnt when I was a student. All the theories learned are not enough as I think it is a need to learn more. I might know my subject matter, everything related to ESL, but how about improving relationship with students that come from diversed background? How to get students attentions when we (my students and I) have so many things need to be settled and those things are whispering in our minds ? How to make them engage with the lessons? I am thankful as reading this book put me into a right track and I realize there is so much to be done as it conveys lots of information that is very beneficial.

This book is an effort by a multiculturalist, an experienced teacher who is giving practical guidance to us based on her life journey. The objective of the book is very clear as I understand that our jobs (as teachers) are to implement and improve the academic achievement of African American students and students of color. Her points of views are valid as she has the omniscient point of views or God’s eyes. The reasons are simple as first, she is a Black American. Her experience is reliable, as she is the one who held world view as the one that encounter racism, feel it within her veins, mind and soul either in the past or present. Secondly, she is a teacher. She sees what happen in school, she sees what are the things are practiced at schools. What else can I say about this! This book outlines steps by steps need to be taken by teachers to make education equalities is everybody rights. It is taken from her perspectives. As a teacher we need to reflect and put her experience to fit into our daily practices. Furthermore, I suggest this book should be a recommended reading not just for teachers, social worker, university students and etc, but importantly to be read by policy makers that directly involve with education.

Also, it is about realizing different dimensions of our attitudes towards racism issue. No one can claim that he/she is not racist. Our capabilities to analyze and look into perspective and dimensions of her participants make us realize that having prejudice perspectives is part of us. That is a scary part of us, but it gives hope as she will refute one by one these wrong perspectives. These parts give relief to me as it gives me hope not to be into a group promoting racism and what to avoid when talking to anybody as racial slur is hurting. It makes me realizes too that we are being dishonest to ourselves as we believe we advocate the color blind perspective. Those who say/claim that he/she is a color blind in fact are the one that needs help. In fact for those teachers who refuse to seek in service development for their students of colors show they do not deserve a place to be a teacher. It shows how selfish the teacher is, refusing to sit into this kind of course shows what matters most is myself (the teacher) not the students. In fact, when they refuse after where giving valid reasons, it shows how close the mind are, by creating barriers of truth to go into their mind by rejecting it. They are dead already, their inside are rotten by self proclaimed that “I had nothing to do with racism”. He or she is afraid to face their own issues, they afraid to do self examination.”

Again and again, it is a must to involve in the process of checking our beliefs, attitudes and behaviors towards the schooling experiences of students of colors. Our students belong to us. Without them who are we? WE are in fact in need of them, as without students, teachers are jobless.

This is my definitive statement that I want my reader to agree with. I believe all students can learn, White or Black, colored on non colored (Is non colored really exist? I don’t think any human does not have color or transparent (like pure water) that we can see their bloods, livers and veins J ). Black and students of colors do not succeed academically in school due to inert racism that occurs directly or indirectly to them. As racism is lethal, it kills students from inside, slowly by first disrupting motivation of them to hate schools, teachers, and make them to find alternative (usually bad) to prove that they have a place. School is no place for them as they don’t receive self recognition. It pushes them down. From this scenario, we need millions of Mrs. Tessem in every classroom. Millions of Mrs. Tessem will create another millions of students like her too. This is among the ways to win the war against racism, in the field of education.

Chapter 9 mentions about controversial issues when it comes to teach Black students. This means the mistakes (realizing or not, it is) that teachers always do when teaching colored students. I learn from the chapter that that I need to made a clear distinction towards multiracial students of whom they are when I teach later on. I can not make generalization. This is what I learnt from chapter 9 as it can be controversial issues. It is due to the fact that although there are many similarities, but I have to realize that my students are unique, they have their own cultural differences, so to assume that they share/have the same heritage is unfair to them. This is related to their self concept and self image and indirectly means their pride. The two things that they bring everywhere they go. This can be helped to avoid confusion and offending students too. For example, Black students from Africa are different from Black American students. Their skins might look the same, but both students have very distinct features. These differences that teacher need to realize and aware off.

Name calling is a second taboo. It is based on cognitive bias, illogical and can create disaster to teachers. It can lead to the existing of prejudices even the teacher means no harm by doing that, may be for joking purpose. It can be interpret into many things resulted in misunderstanding and quarrel or the worst is hatred. Students will hate teachers that call them by that. How about if the damage had been done? What should the teacher do? In my opinion, it is good for the teacher to say sorry ,apologize and at the same time explaining to other students why he was offended as it will be “an opportunity for growth” towards his/her students. Will it lose the teacher dignity by asking for forgiveness? I don’t think so. I believe students will respect more those who know their mistakes.

When I read the particular chapter about “Why Are African Americans so Loud”, it gives me another important point that it is wrong to assume again. The writer explains in details, which is new information to me. Usually, when heard students speak too loudly, we will assume that a trouble is happening. It is best to investigate first, as it might be that they are joking or it is the way how students are being brought up. It is very interesting to note here when Thompson mention that African Americans speak loudly in order to be heard or to get attention. It is rooted from history due to the fact that they had been ignored, and their voices are not being heard. It is a painful irony and at the same time, I feel unfair whenever a black guy raise his voice, it is associated with anger instead of an effort to make a point. However, this double standard scenario does not exists when a white guy speaks out loud, regardless of what the intention is. Again, this double standard persists because most of us like to assume. A friend once asked me the reason of Chinese talking loudly especially in restaurants. For those who don’t know will make assumptions that they do not have manners but if we look closely into their language we will realize that it is due to their language that has 4 syllables (stress patterns) for one word. For example, for the word ma, it has ma, ma, ma and ma. All these fours have different meaning. So the listener has to listen carefully and the speaker has to speak loud and clear to make the listener understand, especially in an Asian restaurant that usually is noisy and chaotic.

I will put the blame on teachers and media for saying a particular race has problem in terms of attitude. Like what she mentions in page 221, her friends say some “black kids are bad!”. She counters this stereotyping by saying” some White kids, Asians kids, and Latino kids are bad too!” I agree with her and at the same time I don’t want to deny Smiley experienced on Black kid, but before he can say that, it is important to mention in a specific way rather than saying it in general. I agree with her when Thompson encountered that by saying some White kids, Asians kids, and Latino kids are bad too!”

This kind of idea must be defeated as what ever teacher says sometimes is powerful than media. It can happen when a stereotype teacher gives any comments about students from particular race at school. His points of views will be used by others to continue this false belief as students will look and listen closely to what teachers say. This will be point of reference for them especially to students that do not have to think critically of what ever statements that he/she hear from teachers and perceive it as absolute truth. That happens to kindergarten kids especially.

I am concerned about this issue because there might be a teacher that says particular students from particular race/group are lazy. I think rather than we conclude into generalization, and we can suggest that, “Not all of them are lazy, you are making a judgment and your judgment is wrong because you are putting every XYZ students into your naïve and shallow conclusion. Furthermore, that hypothesis might apply to your case only.” We can further ask this question to avoid generalization and stereotyping ( if committed) by saying and challenging those who say that, “On what basis are you saying that? Is it due to your inept ability to catch their attention?”. I know this is too direct but we sometimes need this approach to stop it as I believe, the only way is to engage them in critical question answer session so that they will think twice before saying anything.

Actually this is the same when it applies to black students too (in fact to every students, black, colored or not), Have we teachers fulfill and grab their attention? Have we checked what’s the real culprit making them like that? Is it not our job to ensure that they stay interested in our classroom? What have we done to ensure that? These are the questions that we should give to ourselves first too besides to those that like to put shallow judgments and conclusion based on a very limited worldview. Also sometimes we should ask them to think that, “Why must we give up easily on them and not to OUR sons/daughters? Is it due to blood relationship that establish between we and our off springs make them less value for us to understand and concerned about them?

History is created by those in power. That’s why then students of color really need a culturally relevant education due to the fact that they don’t have role model in their text books. What is provided for them are other heroes whose are different from theirs and not relevant at all, so to establish connection is difficult for them as they can’t find similarities. Tokenism is wrong, as students of colors need to know the contributions of people of their color, it is a part of culture, it happen everyday and it is not particularly happen on a particular event or month only. I believe, students of color will be more interested and focus to present their heroes or their literature as it is meaningful and make sense to them. This is what I learn from chapter 8. After doing my first assignment, then I do realize that racism exist in my society. Before coming here, or doing that particular assignment, I just simply don’t care. I am lucky and thankful as I have the opportunity to learn this subject. It helps me to believe that there is a need to improve education in Malaysia based on Bennett’s four components of multicultural education which are the movement towards equity, curriculum reform, the process of becoming interculturally competent and lastly the commitment to combat prejudice and discrimination, especially racism. It is a must as well to make teachers understand that multicultural education has its own value. In my opinion, it helps to challenge the status quo and those who are reluctant to face racism. I believe for Malays who are in favour for Malay Supremacy Hypothesis (I hate and don’t want to say it Theory or Principle or Concept) will call me traitor. They might character assassinate me if they found my principle is flawless as they don’t find anything to go against me. I guess that’s the best they can do, but why should I care about them!! I will not stop as I realize, putting thousands of arguments and reasons are helpless towards them because they are like Thomson students who refuse because of their ego to accept the truth. They resented the fact that Thompson is a black woman that made them read that book. I wonder what if I am their mother, will they hate or ignore me, yes, they will..!!

Reading her story of how she accuses her instructor for being racist make me realize that it is a need to reach for educational opportunity through curriculum. This is another lesson that I learn from this book. In reality, her teacher had not done so but she persisted believing that because of her ignorance and confusion due to the long story of racist history, until students do not know when a negative experience stems from racism and when it is from another source. It might be from bad manners, having stressful day or purely having bad day. Indeed I need to know how to differentiate these as well to avoid me giving false perceptions as I don’t want to be naïve and have limited frame of reference too.

I like Thompson’s strategy to deal with students who use the N word in Class. First, by explaining the rules, it gives you a staunch position that any kind of prejudice statement uttered by our students will not be tolerated. It gives signal to students not to abuse teacher respect towards them. At the same time, it is important to tell our students that Teachers are bounded by this rule. This will create an understanding to my students that we are equal when it comes to this matter. I can see that the strategy is not limited just to the N word, but it can be used to any improper actions done by students too. Confer the students privately give us ( teacher) opportunity to speak to them, and at the same time, giving us chance to investigate why the behavior happens. Usually it will reflect a lot of things as I found as well in this book written that, a problem that is created by student is actually a cry of help. This is powerful, as well as the methods by Thompson, it is killing two birds with a stone.

When she speaks about Ebonics, it reminiscent me of my experience when I was in school. In Malaysia, at school we must speak standard Malay language at school regardless of where we come from. I come from a state which has its own dialect which is totally alien to other Malaysians. When I was 9 years old, we had a choir practice; I came to join to try my luck. When the auditioned performed, I sang together with my friend, but soon, the music teacher stopped it because he heard a different tone, which was my dialect. He knew it was me, and asked me to stop singing because it would affect others. He asked me to step out from the choir. I know it was a right thing to do in order to have a good choir team, but I just feel ashamed. My friends laughed at me, I wish he read this book as he wouldn’t leave the students clueless. I believe it will be good if he could explain to me and to my friends as well. Anyway, the past is past. It is important not to repeat again the mistake, Students language must be respected, because it involves their origins, their culture which is inside, where their dignity lies. At the same time, students need to understand that it is important to master Standard Language as this will empower / as a source to gain something beneficial later on in this life.

As I started this book from the last chapter, I have been guessing a lot about the writer’s ideas of this book. This book tells me lots about how to be a good teacher. The advises, the ideas are superb. Compared to Tatum’s book, it tells lots about racism as a system, but this book is more on the strategies and approaches that must be used by teachers to stop racism at school. I am comparing these two writers background actually. In fact, I was predicting about Thompson that she must be lucky having being brought up in a family that manage to go through a good college education. Actually I was putting the image of Dr Tatum for Thompson. Later, my hypothesis was proven wrong as soon I finished chapter 4. I was amazed by her adversity to go through obstacles in her life which to me were very challenging. If I were in her place, I think I would have given up, ending up nowhere. She amazed me. She did not give up along the course of her life and she is a living proof that a black can be successful. I must not give up too. She inspires me.

I believe she is the reflection of her great teacher, Mrs Tessems. The great teacher, Mrs Tessems realize that lots of children come from difficult homes, and she purposely chooses to pick up students from that background to change their life. She believes the powerful tool of education which will change the course of students life’s. They won’t stay in the vicious cycles of life. It is out of our control but during the school days is the place where we can give hopes in order for them to have motivation and to act upon it in order to change, to get out the vicious cycle of life. The choice is in our hands. Sometimes, we feel that it is useless but if we put it this way, like what Mrs Tessems and Thompson do, I believe it will fall upon our perspective. I change upon reading Jones, Tatum and Thompson’s books, and I am indebted to their teachers who taught and educate them. I will put these three notions that I reflect from her goals in chapter 4. Firstly, teacher can have a positive impact to fight racism though it puts him/her in vain position/circumstances. There might be students/other teachers that neglect his/her notion, but soon it will bear its fruits as fighting against racism is a powerful message and influential in many ways that we never think of it. They will always be beside us that will support this struggle. Secondly, among our supporters (students usually) who support this cause, someday and somehow, regardless of their backgrounds, will bring together this effort/success into reality as they understand the message clearly. Thirdly, our tasks (as a teacher) is not to neglect them (our students), we must bring them together to reach success so that this effort won’t die with us. Our students are our assets including underachievers, students with discipline problems and challenging backgrounds, and towards them, our effort must be double because these students usually will bring impact to society( if they succeed). Thompson proves me right, because she brings change from her experiences and compiling it all in this book so that millions can read, understand and act upon it.

I believe, however good facilities and resources that we might have, without proper management skills, it is doomed for failure. This notion goes to every field in this life. I have seen my uncle business shattered to pieces of glass as he failed to manage his financial strengths. It goes the same with teaching, as teaching does not depend solely on teacher and students’ relationship only; it needs proper planning, well instructed curriculum, challenging exercises that are valid and reliable and many more. In order to put all of these things into practices, management skills play its roles here. It is very helpful to put efficacy into practices when dealing with students. Teachers of course need to be in control in classroom as lots of educational motives need to be achieved at the end of every lesson.

If a teacher managed to put all of the above into spectrum, that shows a good indication. However, the utmost skill that teacher really needs is what Thompson said in chapter 3, which is being able to differentiate different types of behaviors that exists in school setting. Teacher needs to know which one is dangerous for others (including him and other students) and which actions/behaviors that still can be improved? This is to avoid wasting energy combating them uselessly and at the same time knowing and having strategy to encounter the problem swiftly and successfully. This is what I learnt from my experience too where I have to hand in over my own student to a counselor. Furthermore, I don’t have suitable skills to encounter with a problem that needs an expert like psychologist or counselor. I like Thompson’s statement in page 104 that she mentions, “teachers must do their very best but realize they can not save the world. They can, however, choose to have a powerful impact on the lives of their students.

As in chapter two, I just love the eighteen strategies with students of color that she puts into table 2.1. I love it because she supplies comments that make them more realistic, having guidance on how to achieve the strategies successfully. For example, the first strategy said that you must let students know you care, how to achieve that actually? So, in her comment, she said that a teacher must make it clear that teacher really care about their welfare. I understand this as it won’t be just a lip service only. It is like when the strategies say that a teacher must get to know students on a personal level but how to achieve this. She put it in her comments that teacher must do his/her homework by doing that early in the school year as soon as possible, get to know them and at the same time being able to get to know their potential of academic success and creativity. Overall, this chapter is more to cultivate a notion that a good teacher will always find ways regardless how big the obstacles are, because good teachers do not have the word “give up” in their daily dictionary. As for me, I will forever remember my Miss Tesstems, she is my Math teacher, Puan Noraini Ahmad.

Last but not least, here we arrive at chapter One. I shut down to read it first because I just hate reading the Deficit Deprivation Theory which come first and I think is illogical, so I read the whole book from the last chapter instead of the first. I wonder why it is called a theory. It must be called a myth. Accepting it as theory is disgraceful and disrespectful for those who are in academic world. In fact, the word theory in that particular Deficit Deprivation “Theory” must be replaced with Myth because when some one believes it as a theory, it is considered a fact. Seriously, I clenched my fists as I read this theory. However, looking at the other theories put me into realization that we need to be careful to adapt/agree to any theories related to any races as they can bring far reaching consequences that will affect our attitudes later on especially towards our students. In conclusion, I love this book, the writer and the teacher that ask me to read it. Thank you.

Event/Behavior:

My students failed reading test badly. The test is based on reading passage that I explained and taught them during class. Half of the class got 25%. Highest scorer was 45%. The test was based on article about Maze Tour in USA. I took it from SAT English sample. When I marked their paper, most of them did not answer questions, they left the paper blank except for some common sense questions. Before they handed in their test paper, I stressed to them that their final exam questions level of difficulty will be like what I provided them today.

Feelings:

• Frustrated
• Angry
• Ashamed

Thoughts:

I had a discussion with my colleague, a Geography teacher about insufficient general knowledge among students have, including this particular class. Since I am coming to United States soon, I thought it would be a great idea having them reading on Maze Tour in United States. This would be additional information for their general knowledge. It also will help to expand their perspectives on various interesting places in the world.

Also, I thought my students would feel bad and worried because they could not answer the questions. I thought that it was really bad of me because I don’t prepare their background schemata on the subject matter (Maze Tour in USA). I thought they must be afraid and stressful to sit for their English final paper soon. They must be terrified of my class in the future because I did sudden “pop quiz” to them.

Learnings:

Step One:

I assume all materials are okay to be used in classes as long as they are in English, and academic/subject related. (Geography, History and etc)
I assume students always ready to understand any kind of materials without considering their background schemata.
I assume students would like to read and learn what I like (in this case, I chose the article because I am coming here soon)
I assume students always ready to sit for any test.
I assume my teaching and instruction is clear.

Step Two:

It is my mistake to assume that students always ready to sit for any test. I should give them time to digest everything that I taught them on that day. It is not even valid because when I reflect back, I did not really know what I want to measure from that test. Is it their understanding, main idea from the passage? Furthermore I took the materials (reading passage and test questions) from SAT booklet. It is not culturally related to them, and Maze Tour in USA must be an alien concept to them because we don’t even have that in Malaysia. Basically, they don’t have any previous knowledge about this topic. Shame on me!!

Again, I put them on my shoes. My mistake is assuming my students are ready to learn any kind of materials that I bring to the classroom. This is actually putting students’ motivation and perceptions into risks. The materials may not suit them well due to the differences in their abilities and the materials are indeed difficult to them. I was wrong by putting them on my par. In this case, I use an approach called “myself centered” not student centered because what really mind to me when choosing the article was the excitation of coming to USA. I was selfish and did not care what my students need.

It is my grave mistake to assume my instruction and teaching was really good. They were not asking any questions to me. Being quiet is not always good. As a teacher, you have to suspect something is wrong when the silent is unusual. It is a sign of lack understanding. They just kept quiet when I explained to them because this is something new to them. They need time to process this new information. I just was neglecting the silence by explaining more and more. The time bomb exploded during the test. It reveals lots of my mistakes. I supposedly interacting with them and putting them into group so that I could see their interactions among them. Through their interactions in the group, I can see how far their understandings are. Sadly, I rushed them into pop quiz. I guess having a ticket out of asking what they understand from my everyday lesson is a good way of knowing their understanding and my teaching performance.

Step Three:

The idea of studying at United States was overwhelming to me since I was a teenager. I had the opportunity of having some friends studying abroad under scholarships. I requested them to send lots of beautiful landscapes pictures. I really admire them for having the opportunity to feel the enchanting experiences of other new places. This feeling lead me to search more about those pictures that they sent me, thus give me exposure to new ideas and vocabularies from it. On the other hand, my students might not have friends who study abroad like what I have, so their interests won’t be same like me. They might have different views on travelling.

My students are unique. They have different world that much more different but I believe interesting enough to explore. I hope I can explore on their individual preferred interests/hobbies. This will open up limitless possibilities of topics such as electronic, gaming and etc. in classroom lessons and discussions that I can use.

Application:

Step One:

I read today that students play an active role in construction of meaning by teacher assisting them in creating an environment of meaningful, context based contexts.1 Based on this, I should consider preparing lesson that not just related to language and content but at the same time celebrate their culture. This includes developing their background schemata as well.

Schemata are important for understanding. They are backbones, because when students read any texts, their brain will connect the text information to related knowledge and experience that are familiar to them.2In this case, the text is unbearable and difficult for them because of many reasons. Firstly, it is a SAT comprehension reading exercise, it is not their level and most of the words inside do not belong to their schemata. Thus, it does not fit their understanding. Secondly, they have never seen maze before. It means they can’t relate to their existing knowledge. They might have seen it before in television but still, it does not really build the concept/understanding of what maze is. It might be about something else such as agronomy of corn rather really focuses on Maze Tour in USA.

According to Jeff Zwiers (2004), teacher can connect the text information to students’ schemata by focusing on visualization technique. It is to create mental images and associations so that students can adapt their understanding to the text given.3 In my case, I should introduce to them what is maze by providing pictures first. A documentary video viewing session on the topic should be helpful too. These I believe will help to create vivid mental images that can assist understanding of the text.

Step Two:

I will focus on knowing inside out of my students. Students are uncut diamonds.4A good diamond cutter will examine every angle of it to produce the best glimmering diamonds. When they keep their mouth shuts over something that they do not understand (i.e. my lessons), it means I created a gap. This gap might be due to my being excessive self centered by providing materials that matters to me and neglecting theirs. I am selfish.

I will also consider what kind of materials to be used in class. I can’t be too ambitious. Difficult test questions, SAT or GRE might have list of powerful vocabularies list but they are not necessarily good for my students.

When I was at college, I hate sudden pop quiz. Usually it is based on my memory retention ability rather than understanding. The main reason is I was not prepared. By giving them the quiz, it leads to no where. I should have told them and have my objectives fixed. Furthermore, comprehension takes time to develop. In this case, I repeat again the vicious cycle introduced by previous teacher.

In conclusion, providing meaningful learning experience is fundamental to my teaching. I must not neglect that. This can be achieved if my students understand my lessons and teaching. I believe this can be achieved by putting variance strategies into practices. I hope I won’t neglect this in the future.

References:

Herrera S.G.,Murry K.G,(2005) Mastering ESL and Bilingual Methods: Differentiated Instruction for Culturally and Linguistically Diverse (CLD) Students. Pearson Education, Inc.,(pg 216-217)

Zwiers J. (2004) Building Reading Comprehension Habits in Grades 6-12: A Toolkit of Classroom Activities. International Reading Assoc. (pg 54)

Ibid,(pg.56)

Jones T.G.,Fuller M.L (2003) Teaching Hispanic Children. Pearson Education Inc. (Preface), xi. It is taken from a Hispanic mother talking about Hispanic students in Arizona, “Our children are worth a little care..they are uncut diamonds, but no one wants to bother to dig from them and polish them”

So much to be written here for what happened to me these past few days. It opens up my mind after looking at how they arranged and planned Orientation Day for us. As an ex matriculation lecturer, I could see that they are more systematically organized. On that day, with the amounts of thousands International Students, I dont see they have problem, no jams,no run around systems ( as what happened when I did my Orientation Day at KMJ with my fellas), not enought t-shirts or ties, everybody enjoys their time. The overall performance of only 15 ISC staff outweigh our nearly 200 lecturers(KMJ). You may take it as a defame, but thats not my intention. I want an improvement.

They succeed because they fully used technology. I could not enroll due to some reasons related to Lafene and ELP but when I went to a Cashier, she gave me a great help by helping me out just simply giving a phone call. They seem to trust their buddy. I guess the empowerment plays an important role and aha, all the time, they will check again the internet. everything is managed from there, from the smallest details of individuals to everything, everything is in the SERVER.

She made me think when I passed my afidavit using my left hand. Critical she is, asked me because she is left handed too, I explained thats our culture. Her question made me answer ( this is true) our parents will ensure our kids use right hands. she perplexed thinking of what will happen to left handed person. I told her, thats more to culture. Different culture different perspective. In our case, I do believe our culture prefer right hands because that is a sunna from our prophet pbuh. that is how much we love our prophet pbuh.

I just could not close my eyes, I guess I have so many activities today, too packed until I cant evaluate the good and the bad of my actions and words, as result I am facing some of the consequences that lead me to feel uneasy about everything.

I am dependent, I am not independent, she is quite true, for so long I am hiding behind the wall to deny the truth, I feel so alive but in the real world, I am dying..embracing yourself is the way towards salvation, your own soul needs that, that is what I experienced..

There is a power in positive thinking, don’t let others cloud your mind with dark images of almost everything, thus you control your words, you don’t want others do the same do you? If you are able to do it and still face the same problem, remember it is best to keep quiet, learn and reflect back, be positive, others had bad days, but not you.. Don’t be like them, don’t call them cockroaches, if you do, REPENT.. if you do, you are equal.

Equilibrium is not necessarily good..

It is the most valuable lessons.. That is what I call as a studying life.

Make yourself busy..

What I notice is every human will search and look for truth, the question is how much is their persistency on this matter. Searching for truth sometimes can be very disheartening, due to many elements. Anyhow, I believe ALLAH is fair, on our part we must ensure that prejudice and egoistic does not cloud our rational thinking, or else you are exactly like a Iblees( read Arabic Syaiton, read Malay Iblis, read Latin Lucifer)

What if and what about if the Truth is already in front of their eyes, they see it but refused to accept it? Are we going to stop digging further? I will say no because we don’t know who is going to embrace Islam because guidance belongs solely to ALLAH. He choose whomsoever He likes.

I met Habib, a brother from Senegal, he is a nice Muslim. He explained to me the story that I read almost 10 years ago, (this guy read it 20 years ago when he was small) by Chinua Achebe titled “Things Fall Apart”. Kieran F. Johnston a.k.a Abdul Karim was my great mentor at that time; he inspired me on understanding different perspectives that we can get by reading literature and to keep maintaining the omniscient point of views. When we have this skill, we can apply it to our daily life. In my point of view, only those who appreciate literature can appreciate and want to maintain the status of omniscient point of views. This is good because you can understand human and know the reason underlying of their actions.

How about Koran? Is there much Omniscient point of views inside it? Well, I don’t know and I don’t rather dare to comments because of my lacking understanding in this matter and disciplines (read closely I am using matter as subject matter and disciplines). Any response readers? Is there among you having the Disciplined Mind on Quran? What I mean is crossing and interlink and intralink between literature and the understanding on Al Quran or in simpler words are subject matter and disciplines are heavily connected so that you can make sense of our daily life, being able to reflect deeply on everything beneficial from Koran and not to forget how much it is relevant to our time and to the way forward.

Ok, my further explanation on Universal Truth can be well accepted by everybody. I did this to Irina( a Russian lady living in Leningrad), I mention the most beautiful phrases and I read to her since I can see the vibrant of curiosity (and perhaps the ability that she might bring changes one day to the Russia Policy on Chechen and Muslims) and plus, she loves reading literature. First, she said, she is against Islam at all cost, but later she changes her mind. I don’t know is it because of her nature that religion does not seem important at all ( but I put it this way, a young and talented mind, and having lots of male chasing after her does not make her really engaged and interested, further more she is busy preparing herself to go to Chernobyl).

This is the Universal Truth:

“Rabi’a ibn ‘Amir(radiyallahu ‘anhu) went to the leader of the Persians. The leader asked him,

“Why are you coming to our lands? If you are coming for money then we will pay everyone of you a salary so leave us alone.” But Rabi’a said, “That is not why we are here. We are sent to free the creation from being slaves of one another to being slaves of Allah the Creator of the creation and from the oppression of religion to the justice of Islam and we want to deliver people from the narrowness of this world to the vastness of this world and the Afterlife.”

In Braveheart, William Wallace is fighting for freedom, his nation to be free from being opressed by Longshank. He accepted the concept, and he died for the freedom and lived with it but unluckily, he died without iman.

I am waiting for Muslim directors.. anyone?

100% Brain Course: (Part One)

How to use brain to 100%? How to heighten the brain abilities? These are the questions that we always ask and looking for the answer in our daily life. In this book, the writer believes by holistically utilizing our mind in natural ways can help to achieve above questions. The writer believes by finishing and completing all the exercises provided in this book will help you to be more confident individual, thinkers, competent and etc. I plan to finish this book and try it out to see how much it can benefit me. This book is considered a manual for the readers to keep track and book keep for everything that he/ she reads, and considered it as a daily progress. The important thing that I need to emphasize to myself is the exercises in this book can’t fix me, only I am fully responsible for the changes.

Identifying Your Emotional State:

It is very important to identify our emotional state. It will assist you to heal and being unable to recognize it will lead to danger, for example, some obese people when they cant differentiate either they are feeling angry or fearful or hungry will feel better by gratifying it using food. This is unhealthy because you basically don’t tackle your problem from the root.

a) Ask yourself, be honest and identify your emotions to your partner. This is to achieve what I have been mentioning above. My friend Mazlan Asrar asked me what to teach for a kid aged 2 years old. I told him to teach him language and concentrate on verbs such as happy, sad, pain, angry and etc, and at the same time demonstrate to his kid what and how does it mean. I remembered reminded Mazlan Asrar to teach hi son (2 and half years old) more vocabulary pertaining to emotion rather that teaching nouns. (Things). The main objective is that so that the kid will have more ways/vocab to show his feelings (what does he feel) so this will help to understand him and to avoid the upsurge of tantrums within the child. This is good as well because he tends to mature early because among the signs of maturity is being able to express yourself correctly.

b) When you are able to identify the emotions that you feel lately, it is important to correlate those with all kind of emotions that are related or same with it/connected to it. When you identify your emotion with your partners, it will develop a close friendship, and there will be a sort of understanding(at least , certain level of percentages though it maybe not to 100%). This understanding is what we really need because it is a kind of communication that bridges help between you and your partner.

c) Compare the good and bad emotions and think how and where it can lead you to.

d) I am suggesting it because when you compare the good and the bad, you will see better reflections and perspectives. It also helps you reexamine and experience (mentally) and achieving mental balance by avoiding the bad emotions.

e) Creating a mental image of yourself in a good mood is a boost for your self image. If you can’t, try to remember past experiences involving confidence, happiness, compassion, mercy and how did you manage to help others when you experienced this. You are going to use this mental image whenever you are in negative state. Play it always in your mind before sleeping, eating and everywhere.